The Greening of Toyota

from LK: with this piece I welcome The Falcon, a comrade in arms, except his have tattoos.  Some very nasty ink.  I’m needle phobic myself, and not the tatt type.  But I digress.   He sees the world through unique eyes, and expresses himself  with no holds barred, and no bowing to protocol or etiquette of any kind.  Enjoy.


Hey, all you guys in Dockers, no smoking homes, oil-free food, sugar free kids, and veggie burgers…yeah, you guys.  Guess what?  Your girly cars blow! HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Gee, I never had my Dodge Hemi-under-glass do that.  Nor my Charger, Camero, Corvette, or even my 1999 Ram truck with cold air intake and gutted exhaust system.  They all just hummed along spewing happily, their clouds of carbon leaving my “footprint” for the next civilization to stare at in awe. Kind of like driving peanut butter sandwiches. HAHAHAHAHAHA!  Oh, that’s not me laughing, by the way, it’s the main guy from Toyota you are hearing chuckling from Japan – the world’s highest spewer  of all things bad,  emissions speaking.  You see, Mr. Akio Toyoda, like most people non-American, understands that we here in the USA feed – no – gobble fear like 7 year olds at a campfire eat up the Boogeyman.  All that safest, cleanest, most reliable bullshit worked for a while.  Actually,  so well that the Camry became the biggest selling car ever.  Little piece of crap that cost about 12 bucks to build, was found in like 4 out of 6 households.  Meanwhile, Akio ran around in a Mercedes. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  He almost made it until yesterday when the magical Prius – Japan’s strategically delayed answer to WWII, popped a gut. Seems like you can drive, or you can use your cell phone, but you can’t do both or a magnetic signal tells the Prius to “accelerate to Mach 5.”

And now for my favorite part.  Imagine taking your car to your mechanic and him telling you that your FLOOR MAT is causing your car to flee on it’s own!  I don’t know where you are from, but here in Philly we would just hit the guy in the neck!

Oh well. Another myth on saving the planet shattered.  It ain’t cars, or food, or even cigarettes that are doing us in.  It’s – in the immortal words of Charlton Heston  from the movie Soylent Green -
PEOPLE!  Until we as a species realize that we are all from the same seed,  no invention or intervention is going to save us from ourselves.  Oh, we will adapt.  I imagine my children being launched into a world of hot suits, cool suits, nuclear umbrellas, and 4d television.  Ice will be something that will be manufactured, since the polar ice cap will have become the new Texas, and Jerry Jones IV will have bought it all up.  Luckily, I am way too selfish and old to give a good crap.  Hey, I had to deal with the loss of vinyl records, so to my kids I say – GOOD LUCK!

The Falcon